PUKEFEST 2007

Well, if there was anything that could get me writing again, Lord knows it's projectile regurgitated milk curd. Mmm...mm...mmm. Man! There's just nothing like it.

No, seriously. There's really nothing freaking like it in the world.

It's almost alien the way that it just shoots out of their mouths. The force. The color. The rank, putrid perfume. It defies the laws of gravity, nature, and Murphy (I'm sure).

And, please, it's just not possible that this much crap could come out of my sweet little babies. It's just not. I mean, their little tummies aren't nearly that deep, their appetites hardly that vast. And for crissakes, it's not like I'm feeding them packaged spinach!!!

Okay, side note. I did have a good 20 minutes of Amy having to talk me down from the ledge when while trying to backtrack and figure out from whence this pukarama could have begun, I realized to my utter horror that I had indeed given them fresh spinach. Granted, it was frozen fresh. And in a ziploc bag (and, therefore, previously eaten). And...well...okay, it WAS from 2005. But still, it was a good 20 minutes of sheer terror, I tell you. Comfort me, dammit!!!

But here we are at home after 5 days of Chago spewing on and off and Saia unleashing the beast within on the way to school this morning...in the truck...on the bridge...with no exits...and in the rain [come on, follow the logic: we couldn't open windows -- aren't you glad this doesn't come in scratch 'n' sniff?].

Yeah, that's right. I USED to have nose hairs, too. But after spending 2 hours cleaning out the truck...with ten 4" x 6" lemony fresh WIPIES, for f*ck's sake...IN THE FREAKING RAIN...in my brand new Christmas red leather Prague heels [yes, the heels are fine, thanks for asking], I'm just a little beyond consolation at this point. I just hate times like this. Some nameless, faceless child at the bouncy house or the movies or the mall or the restaurant or the grocery store or the preschool or the post office has infected my children with the f*cking stomach bug -- AGAIN -- and I still don't have enough towels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!