Monday, February 14, 2011

WHAT DOES VALENTINE'S DAY MEAN IN A DIVORCED LESBIAN FAMILY?

Making Valentine's Day Cards @ Mommy's
"So, they're making homemade valentine's, huh?" she asks as I drop off a bagful of materials from Target.

"Yep," I say with a smirk on my face. "And they're very excited about it."

"You just couldn't take it easy on me this once," she says, opening up the bag and sifting through the various heart- and star-shaped stickers, hole-punches, construction paper, envelopes, and cookie cutters for pancakes in the morning.

"Don't forget to send me pictures," I say with a smile. "Step-by-step. I need to blog it."

"Of course," she says, only partially rolling her eyes this time.

And yes, I won't deny I reveled a little with perverse pleasure in the idea of hole-punched confetti scattered all over her apartment, and glue stick all over her table, and various colored sharpie all over her placemats.  But just for a moment.

Okay, maybe two.

VDay pancakes with their Mommy
And then the pics started rolling in.  And it's hard not to smile at the fact that for them, everything is still the same.  Not exactly the same, I know.  And certainly not everything.  But the consistencies they have across our households, from our holiday rituals to our parenting philosophies, do appear to be making a solid difference in their acceptance of our situation.  Somedays more than others. But still. It's something.

And, of course, they had a wonderful time.  Just like they always do.  And I hear that Mommy even stopped gritting her teeth after a while and just gave in to the confetti-ism of it all. And when they woke up this morning, he discovered  4 bright shiny quarters under his pillow from the Tooth Fairy, and they gobbled down more than a dozen-and-a-half heart-shaped pancakes with strawberries. Each. :)

Vday Gardenburgers with Cheese for Lunch
When they got home this morning, I packed up their snacks and lunch bags, and off they went to school.  Saia, most excited about giving her BFFs their special hand-made cards.  Chago, a little more nervous and giddier than usual, as he's expecting a special gift from a special someone of his own.  (We'll have to get back to this one later if it pans out as he anticipates. Or not.)

So, today, for me, Valentine's Day means that love. just. is.  And if any of us are lucky enough to have it, in any form, then you shouldn't waste another second on the trivial insignificant moments. It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  It comes from places you didn't expect.  And transforms into things you never anticipated. And maybe never even wanted.

But when you have it, once you have it, wherever it comes from, for however long it lingers...

Make. It. Count.
...

2 comments:

myevil3yearold said...

Kudos to both of you! I wish my divorced parents had taken a lesson from the two of you.

JO ANNA GUERRA said...

Sooo far from perfect, but more and more comfortable in our dysfunction. :)