THE TARGET VORTEX

So, it's been two weeks since I resigned.

And I've been to the grocery store at least 5 times, Costco an easy 3, Starbucks EVERY single day since, and Target a cool 8 times. And not just to the one closest to me. PUH-lease! The shame. The horror. No, no, I patronized 3, yes 3, different Targets in 3, yes 3, different cities in less than 14, yes just 14, little days.

And do you know what the first thing I noticed each and every Target has in common? Just how many things there are out there that I just never realized I needed! No, seriously, people -- neeeeeeeded!

How did they know? These brilliant minds, these geniuses of branding and demographics research, these Einsteins behind Target marketing. My god, it's like they're reading my mind! Around every corner was something I just had to have more than the last. How had I so clumsily missed these treasures on previous visits? How had they escaped my grasp? To think I could so brazenly call myself a decent cook without that 12" teflon aerated pizza pan all these years?! How I had made my family suffer through an infinite number of soggy crusts! And here it was on sale. What an utter fool I'd be to walk on by. And oh, how considerate of them, the gods of the bullseye, to place this teeny-tiny muffins pan right here on the next shelf. Why, I don't even have to move to get my hands on that one. So now I'm not only feeling like a better person, but dammit if I'm not just the freaking pillar of efficiency!

And trust me when I say that I am really good. I'm just zooming along, boy, knocking out my actual legitimate list in less than 20 minutes. But that was just the tip of the iceberg.  It was only 9:30, afterall, and I didn't have to pick up the kids from school until 1.  

Have you any idea how many things there are for a $1 there? 

My cart was quickly overflowing with individual tissue packs that rub your nose raw, travel-size wipies that dry out in 2 days, Q-tip packets of 10 that barely have enough cotton and almost always make your ear bleed (but just a little), and, let's face it, people, you really can't ever have too many little bottles of hand sanitizer on a rubber string, can you?

And then it happened.  After 3 1/2 hours of hunting and pecking, I finally came up for stale, filtered retail air to the most unbelievable sight.  There I was in the middle of Home Improvement picking out yet another price-cut washcloth, the color of nothing that exists in nature, when I found myself surrounded by a sea of zombies. Tens of what used to be women, all shells now, husks with giant red carts for their fifth appendage, shuffling up and down the aisles scanning anything with a Price Cut, Sale or Clearance tag.  All of them dressed from head to toe in workout wear they no doubt purchased at Target...on clearance, of course, with coffee stains down their chest, bags under their eyes, pale skin with the tint of flourescence, and no intention of extending their cardio efforts beyond racing between Home Decor and Seasonal to ensure they picked up the very last holiday wreath for $23.99.  Every last one of them with a vacant faraway look on their face, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, forever lost in the worm hole of Issac Mizrahi and Mossimo.

Was this my destiny?  Is this my path?  It couldn't be.  That's not me.  I had a list.  I was still dressing in my business casual clothes, doing my makeup and hair, wearing heels, for crissakes  -- high ones!!!  

But I find myself adding new necessary little things to my list daily - seal-a-meal bags, dog treats, the 145th mini sprial bound notebook for Santiago this year. And I'm trapped once again in the vortex. "At Tarjay," I'll text Amy, "Need anything?" And she's just no help -- in fact, she's little more than an enabler, she is, fostering my addiction with coupons and a Target credit card. Watching silently as I dust off my hot pink Nike outfit. Contributing not only willingly but eagerly to my Targetarrhea...so long as, of course, they continue to advertise the best price for Red Bull and Tom's Toothpaste.

Black and White

No, this is not another political perspective. You'll have to visit my other blog for that (when I get around to updating it, of course).

This is about watching Chago draw the other day - his current obsession is with little spiral bound notebooks - one picture per page. No, it's more like one scene per page -- like a comic book, you know? And after going through several notebooks in just two weeks, I finally ask him why he only draws in black ink, thinking it must have something to do with the fact that he's just always in a hurry, no time to go back and color things in, always on to the next picture in his head, right?

No, he tells me. "They're stories from long long ago, Mom," he explains with just a hint of condescension in his 5-going-on-15 voice. "That's why they're in black and white."

I DID IT!!!!

I quit my job.

After 4 years (and of that, at least 3 1/2 years too many), I finally gave my notice and walked out the door.

Ever the worry wart, however, I'm of course plagued with the gnawing "what the hell am I gonna do now?" question pounding in my ears. What kind of a person walks away from a perfectly good job with the economy in such a state, with poverty at such a high, with unemployment rates skyrocketing, for f*ck's sake?! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!????!!!

Why, I'll just start a new blog, replies one of my more optimistic personalities. I'll chronicle my new life (temporary though it may be -- or not, depending on my mood that day), note my every new adventure, make this a grand social experiment, chart my new journey, gory details and all...YAY! a new project!

Hey, it's either that or another baby.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Amy as V for Vendetta. Chago as a Blue Ninja. Saia as a Night Fairy. And me as Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin (you'll have to click the link on the bottom to see close ups of all the buttons I'm wearing). :)

Enjoy!

Here's just a taste:

Rest of the pics are available at: http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9YYsmzVoyNw

TWENNNNTTTY-THREEEE YEEEAAARRSS!!

Can hardly believe we've been friends for that long!  Probably helps that we live on opposite coasts. :)

Sonia loves how Chago is caught on the move here.

RUN, MEMA, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There she goes again!

The Mema pushed through a 5k a few weeks ago without breaking a sweat!

(Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration of the truth.)

But still so proud of her. Keep pumping, Mom!

OH, MOMMY, IT'S ALRIGHT, WE STILL LOVE YOU

"Mommy," he soooo unsuccessfully whispers at something that does not EVEN resemble from a distance the crack of dawn.

"Mm?" she groans as she rolls over to where he's hovering by her side of the bed.

"Mohhhhmy!" he whisper-yells again.

"Shhhh, it's too early, Bubba," I say as I pull the covers over my head.

"But Mommy, can I ask you a question?" he leans closer to her sleepy ear. [She always falls for this one.]

"Of course, Boy. You can ask me anything," she mumbles as she opens her eyes.

"Can I tell you about my dream?" [And there's no going back after that 'cause he's off like a shot.]

"I was dreaming about this little animal that swims in the ocean."

"And he has big giant pinchers, but no shell."

"And he lives at the bottom of the ocean."

"Oh, so he must live at the bottom of the ocean in order to protect himself," Mommy conjectures.

"No. But that's a good guess, Mommy." [Such a little snot.]

"He just borrows shells from the ones that other hermit crabs leave behind." [As in, "Duh!"]

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!

My brother, sister-in-law, nephews, and my niece all came up to see us out here for the first time since the kiddos were born.

We had such an amazing time and it was so sad to see them go, but click on the link below (or copy and paste it into a new browser window) to see the pics of the visit. It's enough to make a girl wanna pack it in and move back to Texas, I tell ya.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW MORE PICS

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=9YYsmzVoyLo%26emid=sharview%26linkid=link5

DEAR GOD, HE'S ONLY 5!!

As most of you probably already know, Santiago is the master manipulator. On more than one occasion I've harped on and on about his supernatural ability to twist virtually any situation to suit his needs, and can talk himself out of just about any web, particularly if he was the original spinner.

Apparently, not all his teachers were fully aware of this...er...talent, and when I picked them up today, Teacher Rose says, laughing a little nervously, "Boy, that Santiago, he's a smart one."

"What did he do now?" I think, but say instead, "Oh, is he?"

"Yes, he's quite the negotiator," she continues. "He went over to a group of 4 kids today who were all completely engrossed in a game they were playing, and I overheard him ask if he could play."

At this point, Chago suddenly has to pee as disappears from the room.

"And when they said 'yes' he then said something like 'Okay, but let's do it this way', which none of them wanted to do."

"But instead of arguing with them or getting mad he just said 'okay, well you don't have to, but I'm going to do this and this and that and that and it's going to be a whole lot of fun."

"And before I even knew it, he had all 4 kids following him around doing exactly as he said...to...the...letter."

[This is one of those moments when Mommy tends to say 'That's my boy!' and I usually mutter something under my breath about how the world has enough trouble without another little Amy running around.]

PRE-K SCHOOL PICS ARE IN!!

THIS JUST IN: APPLES NOT FALLING FAR FROM TREES

"So, how was everyone's day today?" I ask when I pick them up from school yesterday.

"Fine," says Chago in his oh-so-typically Y chromosome way.

"Today was brontosaurus day," begins Saia....and then she moves right into the details of the four games they played outside, who won, who cried, and who ended up in timeout (this is when she usually fingers her brother for something he hasn't copped to yet), and then she effortlessly and without interruption recounts all the books they read, the various projects they each produced, the two different snacks they had (and not just what they ate, but who ate what exactly), what the teachers said or did or forgot to do, who napped and who didn't (again, casually rolling her eyes in her brother's direction), who was at school on time and who was late, who left early and who was out sick, what everyone wore (and of that, what was brand new), that Teacher Teresa brought her dog in to visit today, and, Mom, don't forget tomorrow's gymnastics, and who's going on vacation this summer and where, and who's going to summer camp or karate school or swimming, and what time and how often everyone went potty, and how often, for crissakes, everyone inhaled and exhaled throughout the freaking day!!!!

And yes, all in one sentence. And all in the span of about 20 seconds.

And she knows nothing of caffeine or chocolate yet, people!

Amy swears my mother did this to her on purpose during those two years she lived with us when the kids were really learning to speak. She calls this the curse of the [enter my maternal family name here]. :) I think it's freaking hilarious!!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

To our daddies, grandpas, tios (uncles), brothers, nephews, primos (cousins), and especially our donor!!

Hope you all have a truly phenomenal Father's Day!

Mama's ClanMommy's Clan

HOUSE HUNTING BEGINS TO TAKE ITS TOLL

For the last 6 weekends we've spent our entire Saturday (9am - 6pm) out looking for a new home. Our landlords are coming back from Europe waaaay early, so we need to be out by the end of July. On average, we're looking at about 12-18 homes every single week!! Needless to say, it's been a thoroughly exhausting task.

Last Saturday it became obvious that our efforts we're beginning to wear on us all as we're cruising up to yet another random house in some random 'hood in some random town within 30 minutes of my work and the kids' school and I ask the kids (apparently, just one too many times that day) whether or not they wanted another snack (it should come as no surprise to any of you that I tend to overpack for our little outings and will do virtually anything to keep the kids' blood sugar level on an even keel).

So poor Santiago, exasperated with me as usual, says "No, thank you, Mom! I'm really full of it!!"

[And boy if he didn't hit the nail on the head with that one!]

MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX

On the way to school the other day I overheard Chago telling Saia that his legs were looking so much whiter lately. "Why?" she asked him. "I don't know," he said.

So, of course, I take this as a teaching moment and proceed to delve into the deeper aspects of tanned skin versus untanned skin, melanin, the dangers of UV rays, sunscreen, etc, etc, etc.

We're about a block from school at this point as my little diatribe took up our entire commute when Chago decides to chirp up, "Mom..."

"Yes, babe, what is it?"

"I said 'wider'."