DESPITE WHAT SUCKED

I know there were so many things you wanted to say.
I could see it in your eyes.
Felt it hanging over the room like a wet blanket.

I know you weren't done.
I know it wasn't fair.
I know you waited even with your last breath
for
a
miracle.

And I'm so sorry that we couldn't have done more,
and worse,
that maybe
we didn't even really try.

And I'm sorry that we didn't get to know you better.
That we didn't even bother
to find a way to
love you better.

That we didn't couldn't wouldn't
give you more of our
very
precious
time.

I'm so sorry
that we left you there to fend off the wolves
alone.
Making me sorriest for not making that last stand
sooner -- and louder -- and worthy of you.

I realize now that you needed me
more than you knew more than I knew.
And I should have been there.
Despite what sucked.
And I wasn't.
And I hope you'll forgive me
my pride.

For my Aunt Emma Marie, who lost her brief skirmish with cancer on January 23, 2007.