IT'S LIKE SNAP, CRACKLE, AND POP ON ACID: INTRODUCING THE KIDS TO POPROCKS

You remember poprocks? Man, I loved those things. The way they tingled on your tongue, and jumped all over your mouth, and fizzled and snapped when you bit down on them.

And everyone would walk around with their mouths open, leaning into one another -- the 80s version of "can you hear me now? can you hear me now?"

And then, THEN, if you added a sip of Coke! Oh, man! It was awesome!!!

It was, of course, at first, an evil plan to try to make someone else's head explode, or, at the very least, make a foaming stream of boogers ooze from both of their nostrils at once. But, alas, the FDA was right about this one. And Snopes, too (but they do tend to have a better record than the FDA already, don't they?). And they were, in fact, safe to mix.

But anyway, the advantage of raising our children the way that we have -- breastfeeding til they were two, making all of their babyfood from scratch, severely limiting their sugar intake -- has meant that we have much more control over their first experiences with things. And this, for control freaks such as we, is vital to our existence. Being able to tell someone -- two someones, in fact -- what to do all day long every day for 18...well, okay, let's be real...for at least another couple of years of their life without the risk of being fired, is the primary reason most people have children. Or didn't you know?

Plus it's really really fun to get to live vicariously through them, to get to relive that experience through their eyes, to get to be the ones to introduce them to a lollipop, to bubblegum, to chocolate, to creme brulee, even. And now...to poprocks.

Of course, I had to qualify that it was all Mommy's idea. That way when it all went wrong, and there was strawberry flavored mucous all over the floor, I would have someone to yell at. But, much to my chagrin, it was cute and fun and safe and clean and, yes, even yummy.

And did you know that poprocks only have 6 grams of sugar. BONUS!!