SACRILEGE?

Home this afternoon with a feverish child who's just whispered "uh-oh" from the bathroom.

That's never a good sign.

When I walk in, she's standing there with her pants at her ankles, leaning over the commode, her right sleeve rolled up to her elbow and just about to dive in for something.

"SAIA!!!!!!" I scream.

Startled, she whips around on the verge of tears.

"What are you doing, baby?" I ask.

"Nothing."

"Honey, just tell me what happened."

Her lower lip begins to tremble just a little. "I...I...was going potty...[sniff]...and the...the book fell in."

"Okay..." I begin.

"On top of my poop," she concludes.

[Ahhhhh. Crystal clear now. Thank you very much.]

"Babe, the book's dirty now and we'll have to throw it away, okay?" I try to explain without laughing. "Why don't you get dressed and wash your hands and Mama will take care of it, alright?"

But as I peer into the bowl trying conjure up what I could possibly use to fish out the book...that's veeeeeeery long...and disposable...well, I just so happen to notice Jesus is staring back at me. Yes, THE Jesus. Apparently, the little Story of Easter board book took a high dive off the toilet top and despite my not being an active religious practitioner of any sort, I have to admit that my old Catholic guilt actually kept me there for quite a while wondering what the hell to do. Literally.

What do I do with it? Do I throw it out? Can I do that? Who's gonna absolve me of this one?

I know, I know, ridiculous, right? But let me just try to explain this phenomenon by saying if you have ever, even once, when the whole fad first started, forwarded on a chain letter or email just on the one-in-a-million chance that you might possibly run into some bad luck some day in the very distant future, then you understand 1/100 of what Catholic guilt can do.

That being said, however, I'm a grown woman now -- and mostly sensible -- so into the trash it went. But I'll betcha a 5 spot I have nightmares tonight about diving into a garbage bin to rescue that damned poop laden thing so that I don't burn in hell for eternity.