I'M AFRAID TO GROW UP

Chago had the vine dream again. Hundreds of vines, taking over his room, swallowing up his family, and covering the entire earth.

So we sat this morning and talked about what they could represent. We talked about dreams being metaphors. We talked about your subconscious brain trying to process the things you can't or won't always deal with when you're awake. And we talked about how to make it go away.

He was very clear on the things he thought the vines stood for, the things that were tugging at him and overtaking his world.

"I'm afraid to grow up," he said.

"I'm afraid of going to second grade, and of having to give away my toys and my stuffed animals, and of riding my bicycle like a big boy, and of doing more chores, and of doing more math."

And when we added in the other things that he was worried about, the number one thing being that Mommy doesn't live with us anymore, followed very closely by Mama yelling too much to clean up his room and Saia not wanting to play with him all the time, it's no wonder he's been tossing and turning at night.

And it's always those moments of clarity, those glaringly clear, hit-you-upside-the-head moments of awareness that you think, how the hell could I have missed how all of this was affecting him, them, her, me, us? How could I possibly have thought we were all just getting through this unscathed?

The divorcement, as Saia refers to it, was not their choice. Was not their doing. And was not what any of us had ever planned. But working through this as a family is. No matter how afraid we all are to grow up.

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