Friday, October 22, 2010

LET THE PRE-PUMPKIN PREPOSTEROUSNESS START!!

Foolin' around at
the Halloween store
You would think this would get easier.  As they grow. As they develop their identities. As they're more easily able to identify and then vocalize their likes and dislikes.

I mean, you'd THINK!!!

But...no.

They've changed their minds at least 42 times over the last 12 months.  And then another 5 times just on our way to the costume store alone.  And then at least once WHILE we were actually standing in the check-out line, for crissakes.

But I think, I THINK, he's finally settled on a vampire. And not just any old vampire costume would do either. He must've fiddled with and fingered every single one until he found exactly the one he wanted. Just the right vest, just the right collar medallion, just the right sleeves, and, the pièce de resistance, the all-important red-lined black cape.  Then he went and picked out these grotesque-looking fangs, his white-face make-up with accompanying fake-blood capsules, and is now anxiously looking forward to my slicking his hair back so that the coffin-shaped shades, that he snagged right there at the end as they were sliding my little wilted card through the machine, will frame his face perfectly.

And then, oh, my God, my darling girl, after uttering the make-my-ears-bleed phrase, "Um...I dunno..." for, like, the katrillionth time, during which every single strand on my head turned grey, finally settled upon a devil.  And, yeah, I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud at the irony, right there in the middle of that damn Spirit Superstore, cackling from the delirium, head thrown back from sheer exhaustion. No one even noticed.

Her accessories include a long black wig, red creme face make-up, red tinted sunglasses, a red headband with little horns, and a red sequined pitch fork.

But it doesn't end there.

Then begins the when-are-we-gonna-decorate, when-are-we-gonna-decorate, when-are-we-gonna-decorate, today-looks-like-a-good-day-to-decorate, don't-you-think-it's-time-we-started-decorating-mama? business.

So, because today was a teacher's in-service day, I got the monsters. All. Day. Long.  And from the moment they woke up this morning, it was ALL about decorating for Halloween. So, after my second (or maybe even third) chai, I thought I was finally awake enough to brave the 3 gigantic orange-and-black tubs looming in the garage.  But, as it turns out, they weren't even the scariest part of my morning.

Our beautiful little angel, our darling little Saita? Turns out she's a frickin' task master!!!  But we (and when I say we, I mean me, while the monsters rode their scooters up and down the sidewalk saying, "A little to the left, Mom. No, a little more to the right.") eventually got it all done, just before the rains came, and just in time to turn all the lights on and oooh and ahhhh a little before dinner.

But it ain't over yet, folks.

Tomorrow morning, of course, we've still got the insanity of the pumpkin patch on the weekend before Halloween in 62-degree weather with 70% chance of rain, the freakishly giant corn maze, and then, of course, they'll flee, leaving me with uber-detailed drawings and instructions on exactly how to carve out 12+ pumpkins while they spend the weekend with their Mommy playing G.I. Joe and building Lego cities.  Even when we lived together, the three of them somehow managed to get out of it every single year.  Oh, they make their official appearances.  Roll up their sleeves.  Fight over the best tools.  I get some great pictures. And then about two minutes after shoveling pumpkin guts, they all magically disappear.

And they all give me the whole you-are-just-the-best-pumpkin-carver-in-the-world-mama.  And, yeah, I guess I kinda do fall for it every single time.
...

2 comments:

Anna said...

yay! i thought i was the only one! i found your post from mommy bloggers on facebook.

here's my halloween rant if you want to know at least one other person shares your feelings:
http://randomhandprints.blogspot.com/2010/10/halloween.html

JO ANNA GUERRA said...

Woo!Hoo! Misery loooooves company, Anna. :) :) :)