MY 7-YR-OLD SON'S OPENED A LINE OF CREDIT...AT THE CAFETERIA

Chago's newest
toothless "door"

Picking the kids up from school the other day. They're gathering up their various documents, and graded homework, and snack bags, and water bottles...

"Chago," I call out, "don't forget your lunch bag."

"Um..." he begins.  "Er...I, uh, threw it away, Mom."

"What? Why'd you do that?"

"'Cause it was gross and I didn't wanna eat it," he says very matter-of-factly.

"But it was just a sandwich," I said. "Bread, meat, lettuce, tomato?"

"No, Mom, really," he says shaking his head furiously, "it was GROSS!"

"Did you even taste it?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?" I trump.

"Because it just LOOKED gross," he double-downs.

"Well," I counter, very clearly aware that I am now engaging in a game of intellectual table tennis from which I will likely not walk away unscathed, "I know, in fact, that it was not gross, and even had it tested for grossiosity. And that came back negative."

"But, Mom," he peels open the big black eyes. "It had MAYONNAISE!!!!" ***gasp***

"No, it didn't," I say with hands crossed and eyes closed. This, of course, being the universal sign for No Way, No How.

"Yes. Mom. It. Did."  Oh, no, he did not just over-punctuate me!!!

"Did not," I retort.

"Did, too."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"But it had stuff leaking down the side," he says in whiny desperation, thrusting his arms out towards me for that added emphasis.

"Melted cheese," I monotone.

"But it was WHITE!!!" he squeals.

"Provolone," I mutter.

"Oh," he says, and scans the sky desperately for some assistance.

"So, basically, Santiago Gaèl, you haven't eaten all day today?" I ask a non-question.

"Oh, no," he says cheerily, "I ate."

"What? What did you eat?" I ask, at this point really half hoping he just wouldn't tell me.

"Well," he says, now bouncing up and down with excitement, "we have this card with our picture and our name on it."

"Uh-huh...your school IDs?" I ask cautiously.

"Yes, and we use it to check out books from the library, usually," he continues.

"Uh-huh..."

"But you can also use it to take it with you to the cafeteria and get food.  Anything you want. They just scan it with this little machine and then they tell you that you need to pay something later."

"Excuse me???" I say just as the twitch behind my right eye begins to kick in.  "So...what, EXACTLY, did you buy with this card?"

"Milk," he says, clearly starting from the bottom.  "And...pizza," he says a little less enthusiastically.  "And...a...cookie..." he whispers.

"Ah-ha," I say.  "And who is going to pay for that, do you think?"

"Well," he looks off to the left and right, which clearly indicates that he's both trying to recall something true AND cook up a lie simultaneously.  "They said you'd get something in the mail."

"IN THE MAIL?!?!  A BILL?!?!?  I'M GETTING A BILL FOR A LUNCH YOU PURCHASED ON CREDIT WHEN YOU ALREADY HAD A LUNCH IN YOUR BAG?!!?!?!"

That's ridiculous! That would be like me buying a pair of shoes online that I like better even though I already have a similar and just as functional pair in my closet...oh, wait...that's probably not the argument I wanna start with.

...