Monday, May 05, 2008

SNAKES ON A PLANE

On our way back from Seattle on Friday (which I'll post more about later this week, replete with pics and all), I happened to notice that Chago was not...um...completely put together after his last trip to the bathroom.

"Boy, did you forget to zip up your fly?" I say, which never sounds quite as right coming out of my mouth as it does Amy's.

"Oops!" he giggles as he struggles to pull down and pull up at the same time.

"Can't let the snake get out," he says just a little too loudly to garner any more unwanted attention from our planemates than we already get as a family.

And then just to finish us all off, he adds..."Mine's a python, you know."

[I have absolutely no editorial comment on this one. Have at it.]

Friday, April 25, 2008

ZEPHYR...ZOOLOGIST...ZAP (OOPS!)

Yesterday over breakfast we were trying to come up with some unique "z" words for the monsters to take to school for circle time. Obviously, we've done this 25 times before, and by now we've learned with them that it's absolutely unthinkable to use a word that might even remotely have a chance of being uttered by another kid at school before they get their chance -- you know, like zebra or zipper, for instance. So, it's always a fun challenge for us, but this one proved a little more difficult than I was prepared for at 6am in the middle of the week.

So as they're busily attaching a "z" to the front of every word they already know in an effort to find something new (like "zoup" or "zog" or "zuck" -- get your minds out of the gutter, it comes from duck!), I was racking my brain trying to think of something really great...that I could also define...without the assistance of dictionary.com.

Ultimately, Chago's favorite was zoologist, of course. Saia liked zepplin. Then I said "zap" and found myself frantically backpeddling when it came to having to define it.

"Um...well...you know those electric fences we've told you about at the zoos?"

Chago's ears prick up.

"Well...if an animal happened to get too close to one...um...well...he might get a little shock of electricity..."

Chago covers his ears, scowls, and yells, "Stop, Mom! STOP! How can you even say that to me when you know how much I love animals?!?!?"

I felt this small.

And then I remembered I could've used an electric eel example, or a fly in one of those electric traps, or even lightning, for criminey's sake!

Oh, well, hopefully the nightmares will only last for a couple of nights. :(

Thursday, April 24, 2008

NOT SURE I'M PREPARED FOR THIS WITHOUT AN MBA

In prepartion for their first tooth loss (which I'm assuming should be happening sometime over the next 4-9 months), I came across this article, which I must admit, now has me in a bit of a panic.

Tooth Fairy economics ain't nickel-and-dime
By Anna Jane Grossman

(LifeWire) -- Shannan and Marty Boyer of Park Hills, Kentucky, faced a sudden financial quandary one evening. Their 5-year-old, Sean, had just lost his first tooth, and the Boyers realized they didn't know the Tooth Fairy's going rate.

Sean Boyer was overjoyed to get $5 from the Tooth Fairy: He'd expected a quarter.

1 of 2 "My husband was like, 'Maybe we should give him a twenty?' And I said, 'No! I used to get a quarter!'" says Shannan Boyer, 32, a publicist.

They settled on $5, only to find their son in hysterics the next morning last December.

"He flipped his lid! He's like, 'I thought the Tooth Fairy only gave quarters! I'm going to be rich!'" she says. "So then we had to backpedal. We said, 'Well, um, she probably does normally give just a quarter, but this was because it was your first tooth."

Call it the Tooth Fairy conundrum. When a child puts a tooth under her pillow, there's a good chance her parents are in the next room scrounging through their wallets and scratching their heads.

And for divorced parents, Mom and Dad run the risk of doubling up or making each other look stingy. Pre-emptive negotiation is key, says New York book editor Joshua Kendall, 32, father of 6-year-old Sophie.

"When the first tooth came out, my ex-wife was out of town, but I called her husband so we could decide together how much to pay for each tooth," says Kendall. "We decided it'll depend on tooth size."

A quarter doesn't cut It

At a time when it's common for middle-class kids to receive pricey video game consoles and MP3 players as gifts, some families worry that a few quarters or even a dollar just won't be special enough to match their child's excitement over that gap in his mouth. They also fear too much money could teach children that, in life, making bank is as easy as losing a tooth.

Tiffany Bass Bukow, founder of MsMoney.com, likes the idea of using the experience to introduce the concepts of money and value. Parents, she says, can use the loot from that first visit to show a child how to divide up money for spending, saving and charity.

But she cautions against giving too much. "In general, I think people are overspending on their children, and that's part of the reason why the generation coming up doesn't have a great work ethic."

According to a 2006 survey of 150 mothers conducted by eBeanstalk.com, an online toy store, the Tooth Fairy is giving an average of $2.64, with 60 percent of respondents reporting that they give less than $3 per tooth.

Stray too far above the average and you're bound to frustrate some other parents on the block.

"If one kid gets $20 and tells the kids at school, then other kids go home and are upset they got less," says Dr. Rhea Haugseth, a pediatric dentist in Marietta, Georgia.

She tries to keep the peace on the playground by dropping hints for parents during routine visits: "When a kid says they've gotten $20, I'll say, 'Wow, you must've been the only kid to lose a tooth that night, because usually she only brings one dollar.'"

However, those who stray too far below the average -- or, at least, below their child's expectations -- might find they have some explaining to do.

Valuable lessons

When his youngest son asked why he got $2 when some other kids at his Los Angeles school got $20, branding specialist Rob Frankel decided to make it a business lesson.

"I told him it was actually a franchise, and that we were in a $2 territory. My wife did all she could to keep a straight face," says Frankel, 50. "I was like, 'Do you know what a franchise is? Well, McDonald's doesn't actually own each McDonald's ...'"

Gerald Kimber White, 39, a publicist in Norton, Massachusetts, also turned the event into a kind of Finance 101. Two years ago, his son Henry, then 6, announced that he wanted the cash the Tooth Fairy would give him for his first tooth, but he wasn't ready to part with the pearly gem.

"So I said I'd buy the tooth for him for $1 and would keep in a drawer so he could visit it," says Kimber White. "But it turns out that the conventional wisdom among first-graders was that the Tooth Fairy gives $2. So he had to figure out what the value of the tooth was to him. Was it worth an extra dollar if it meant losing access to the tooth? Or was it better to have a little bit of money and visiting rights?"

In the end, Henry went with the latter option.

"I liked his decision process," Kimber White says. "And I like that I'm getting a better rate than the Tooth Fairy."


So, anxious parents of soon-to-be toothless children want to know: what's your going rate per tooth???

Original story posted at: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/03/12/toothfairy.economics/index.html

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

NEED YOUR HELP!!!

I can't be the only mother with this concern, so I'm throwing this out there for the rest of you who either have the same problem or just have a ready solution because you're smarter than me and need to feed that uncontrollable desire to prove it...

Either way, I'll take it because I just can't seem to find anywhere a passport holder that will carry multiple passports. I know on the surface it doesn't seem like such a big deal, but when we travel, I carry all four of ours the entire trip, which means I end up using a single passport holder stuffed with all associated documents (which means, as a lesbian couple, not only am I carrying the 4 passports, I need to also carry a letter from my OB indicating that I was inseminated by an anonymous donor, and therefore do not require paternal permission to take the children out of the country....AND we need to also carry the children's birth certificates [which have both our names listed as parents] in order to prove that they belong to both Amy & I, which inevitably involves producing our own birth certificates, just so that they can get that glare off their faces).

[deep breath...]

So...the thing is quite bulky and, honestly, just too damn unattractive, what with the broken zipper and the hot pink rubber band holding everything together. And I just won't do it anymore!!

So, PLEASE tell me you've seen something that can accommodate our little globe-trotting family. It doesn't even have to be a passport holder by birth, but does need to be compact enough to squeeze into my bag o' the day [and there's just no telling how large or small that could be at any given moment].

Okay, folks, challenge is out...let the suggestions roll!!!



And in the event that nothing turns up, I formally reserve the right *(c) Jo Anna Guerra 2008* to produce and market this concept on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch myself! Thank you very much for your support.

Monday, March 24, 2008

CHAIN, CHAIN, CHAIN...


Okay, so how worried should we be that the very second we turned down the aisle in Home Depot that houses the bezillion varieties of ropes and chains that our 5-year-old Houdini lit up like Christmas morning???

HAPPY EASTER!!

Luckily, Mommy's trip got canceled this week, so we decided to spend Easter at home -- in our jammies -- and it was a really nice break.

Click HERE to view all the pics, including the making of cascarones, the easter egg hunt, the new tree ladder and swing, and of course, the cracking of the cascarones on the heads of unsuspecting mommies.

The most interesting part of the whole day, though, was trying to explain the premise of the Chrisitan Easter combined with the pagan celebration of the spring equinox and fertility and rebirth and the Jewish Passover in a way that would make sense to 5-year-olds and yet not trivialize the meaning of the holidays. It's definitely not an easy thing to do...to try and raise children who are aware, but not totally confused, by religious or spiritual events that at best are very different, but more often than not, completely diverge.

But I like that they ask questions. And I like that I don't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would trying to answer them. I think what I need to do now is to ask them to paint me a picture of what they now understand Easter to be. That sounds like it could be worth framing.

Here are a few snapshots. Click HERE to see them all.



Wednesday, March 19, 2008

NO DORMITORIES HERE, BUDDY!


Since our return from Cambridge a few days ago, Santiago has decided he will be attending King's College and Saia, Queen's College -- both in Cambridge UK.
(But they're not quite ready to leave the nest entirely, so they've also decided to put us up at the Garden House Hotel, which is just down the street, but on a permanent basis, which I'm thinking is not such a bad idea. I do love me some room service, baby!!)
"You know," I tried explaining to them, "you'll most likely live in separate dormitories," but they would have none of that and wouldn't even let me finish.
"No, Mama," he interjects. "Saia and I will share an apartment..." and he glances at her with his sly little charming smile.

"But with a door," she adds much too quickly, "...that locks."

[Ugh...they're growing up too fast.]

Monday, March 17, 2008

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY, MONSTERS!!!

God, I can hardly believe it's been 5 years. I was retelling their birth stories this morning while we were getting ready for school and I could swear I felt pangs in my belly, tingling in my breasts. My eyes welled up and the kids wanted to know if I was okay. And the truth is that because of them, I'll always be on this side of okay. No matter what else there is - and in spite of all that there is, because of them, I'm forever whole.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

BACK FROM ACROSS THE POND

Click here to view all the pics from our London/Cambridge trip last week.

Here's a little sampling:

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

CONGRATULATIONS, MOMMY!! YOU DID IT!!

Well, after 3 long months of searching, someone finally found her!

Best Buy is bringing Amy onboard as their General Manager, and we could not be prouder! Way to go, Mommy!

See what staying positive and optimistic does for you?? :)

[Come on, now, you didn't really think you were gonna get away without an 'I told you so,' did ya?]

GOTTA LOVE THAT JACK!!!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

AUSTRIA, PART 2

Yes, I realize the Austria trip was way back in November. And yes, I realize I promised you the rest of these photos way back in January. So, sue me.

Anyway...here they are. They include our trip to the Salt Mine, the Sound of Music Tour, the Salzburg Zoo, Ice Skating, and gorgeous architecture of the city.

Click on the photo below to follow the link to the picutres:

CLICK HERE