Friday, May 06, 2011

SCREW THE FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATES, HERE'S THE DOWN-AND-DIRTY ULTIMATE HI-TECH MOTHER'S DAY GIFT GUIDE YOU WERE ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR

So I was shocked to find that when I googled "high tech gifts for mom," all I kept getting were top ten lists of things like, "Sign her up for a Skype account."  I mean, okay, yeah, if she's over 65, but hey, what about the rest of us?!?

Don't let my 5" heels, french manicure, and Fendi shades fool you -- I'm a geek thru and thru.  But not a pink keyboard, blingy iPhone case, and robot vacuum kinda geek. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I'm more of a tekky mom. In my let's-just-call-them-early forties. And if you've read me even more than once, then chances are, you probably are, too.  So, really girls, isn't it about time we just came out of the electrical closet already?

We don't have to let another Mother's Day pass us by chained to dangly heart-shaped costume jewelry and lamely stuffed heart-hugging bears, do we? Really? I mean, we can do this. If we stand united, we CAN overcome our natural maternal guilt and innate need to selflessly just smile and hug and coo.  At least for the 30 seconds it'll actually require to complete this task. Can't we?

And yes, I'll be the first to admit how hard it is to let that go.  When my kiddos started asking earlier this week what I wanted for Mother's Day, I did what we all did. I said, "I have everything I need. I just want to be with my beautiful babies."

Which is true, of course.  And I'll treasure beyond words until my dying days every single macaroni necklace, chicken scratched love poem, and finger-painted self portrait that I've ever or will ever receive.

BUT...lemme just say now, for the record, whatthefuckever.  What we REALLY want is gadgets.  All sorts of gadgets.  But not just any old gadget, like something they just pulled off a hook from that rotating case in the checkout lane at Target.  And not, let me repeat, a kitchen gadget.  Of any kind.  What we really really really want are legitimate, plug-me-in-suck-my-battery-power-and-make-my-lights-flicker gadgets.

So, because I couldn't quite find THAT list on the interwebs, I went ahead and threw one together on my own.  Here's the actual list (in no particular order) that you'll need to slip into your children's lunch boxes today or your significant other's underwear drawer tonight because it's highly unlikely they've gotten it right so far and they've really only got one more shopping day to do it:
  1. Wireless Charging Station Because cords all over the house is nerdy, not tekky. There's a big diff.  Here's a pretty cool example from WildCharge.
  2. iPad2
    Preferably in White, Engraved, in a Cool Neoprene Carry Case with a Handle, you know, since you asked.
  3. Sirius Stiletto 2 Portable Satellite Radio
    Because sometimes Pandora and iTunes just. don't. cut. it.
  4. Flip Video Camcorder And the sexy underwater case because we're worth it, dammit.
  5. iTech Easy Chat Skype Headset
    Because it's so cute and compact, plus I hate how everyone stares at me at Starbucks when I'm yelling at my monitor thinking it somehow affects the volume control on my end.
  6. Apple Magic Trackpad
    Because carpal tunnel syndrome, and any and all versions of it, sucks.
  7. Adobe Photoshop Elements 9
    Because, oh, my God, have you TRIED it out yet!??!
  8. Blog2Print Gift Card So we can finally turn our prized blogs into the hardcover, totally shelf-worthy books they should be.
  9. Enormous 2 TB (1,000 GB!!!) Backup Harddrive
    Because, ya know, we gotta whole lotta shit goin' on. Oh, and here's a smaller portable 1 TB version for those of you who still believe size doesn't matter.
  10. HyperMac External Battery
    It's like a combination of Botox and Viagra for your Apple products. They're all still eventually gonna die, but they're gonna look and perform like the day they did when you first unwrapped them -- and in most cases, even better!!
So, that's it! What'd I miss? Please please please drop 'em in the comments section 'cause, you know, there's ALWAYS time for an update.
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2 comments:

Stacy said...

I'm getting a laminator this year! :)
I got my honey an ipod shuffle for her
work out needs.

JO ANNA GUERRA said...

Oooooh!! The laminator's a great idea. I'll have to add that one to the addendum. :) Happy Mother's Day to you both!!