MEET MY SON, THE NEW POLLOCK, WITH A PEE

For your own comfort I have not included photos, but yes, oh yes, I took them.

Today was cleaning day. We divided up the bathrooms first. Saia took mine because it's the easiest, and she usually picks up more than her fair share of chores anyway. Santiago got the kids' bathroom because, well...because he misses a lot, and really neither Saia nor I should have to endure that nast just because he's got insufferably bad aim. So, that left me with the guest bathroom, which is also the only one downstairs and, therefore, the most used.

So, I walk in armed with my bad-for-the-oceans wipes, and my bad-for-the-ozone deodorizer, and my bad-for-my-nosehairs toilet bowl cleaner, and I lifted the lid and could hardly believe my eyes.

The boy, obviously the boy, had decided to use the inside of the lid as a...backboard...or a canvas...or I don't know what! It wasn't a few drops either. That much we're used to. But no, no! It was literally sprayed EVERYWHERE!! Splattered in hundreds of thousands of teeny tiny little droplets. All over the inside cover, all over the lid, all down the sides, and pooled in little puddles on either side of the base.

And I counted to ten. Then to twenty. Then threw in another ten for the child's sake before I called him downstairs.

"What is it, Mom?"

And all I could do was point.

"What?" he has the nerve to ask.

So, I pointed again a little more forcefully. And threw in the look for good measure.

"What?" he says again.

Oh, yes, he did.

And we've already had the proper hygiene discussion, and the contributing to keeping your household clean discussion, and the I'm not your maid and this is not a motel in Vegas discussion. Yeah, obviously not working.

So I very calmly explained to him that if he was so proud of the work he was doing in the potties, we would need to start sharing it with our family and friends, with his classroom, and at karate. If he was so puffed-up impressed with himself, I would be happy to take pictures and pass them around, and he could brag about how he did it all by himself and how he was inspired by the rain or whatever.

But...he declined. And no, I'm not ashamed of using the threat of a little public humiliation now and again.

So, sue me. Or, better yet, come clean my potties.

....